– Did you hear McGregor? Reckons we’re loosing our Irishness. Said so at the fucken White House no less.
– Trust you to dramatise the whole thing. Be honest now. He was more nuanced than that.
– Fuck off, he’s a racist bastard.
– Hold yer horses lad. For a start he also used the word ‘potentially’.

– Same difference. We’re potentially loosing our Irishness due to immigration.
– No. He actually said we’re at the ‘cusp of potentially loosing our Irishness’. Let that sink in.
– McGregor said we’re at the cusp of potentially loosing our Irishness?
– Bingo. We’re at the cusp. Potentially. That’s what our future President said.
– Yer full of shite. And he’s a prick.
– Ok let’s slow it down. Were you ever at the cusp of potentially doing something big? Just at the cusp of potentially doing it, not an inch further.
– Can’t think of anything.
– Remember the time you tried chatting up Naomi Campbell in Temple Bar? I could say you were at the cusp of potentially bonking her. But really, ye hadn’t a hope.
– I can clarify that I was definitely far beyond the cusp of potentially wanting to bonk her.
– We all were.
– Still are.
– Aye. So same as I’m at the cusp of potentially winning the lotto every time I buy a ticket. But do I ever win the lotto? No. Never. See what I’m getting at here with loosing our Irishness?
– Ye wouldn’t tell me if ye did win the lotto ye miserable cunt.
– Exactly but I’d definitely be at the cusp of potentially telling you.
– So are we loosing our Irishness or not?
– Well I can only speak for myself but I’m definitely not loosing anything.
– Except the hair.
– True. The hair’s thinning rapidly.
– Loosing any teeth?
– Not yet. But the gum line is definitely shrinking.
– Right. So my way a’ looking at it is that Irishness is definitely changing but I wouldn’t define it as a loss.
– Like your virginity. It’s changing but you never lost it.
– Ah fuck up.
– Can I be honest. Is this a safe space?
– Nowhere’s safe from yer shite talk.
– Honestly, I’m kinda glad he got the invite to the White House on St Patrick’s Day.
– Ah double fuck off and die.
– Seriously. Cause it means there’s one less snake in Ireland.