O Sudocrem, Slick Sudocrem!

O Sudocrem, slick Sudocrem!
My back was turned,
Or that’s how it seems,
You whispered, “Come sweet colleen*”,
Inspiring acts bold and mean.

My foresight poor, foul Sudocrem,
For you were left
In the small latrine.
But how the flook were you seen?
Under your potpourri smokescreen.

O heinous act, woe Sudocrem!
She used both paws
And her two crubeens**.
Stuck you into gaps obscene,
At least her ass won’t get gangrene.

Sticky mess, thick Sudocrem!
Under gaps and
In between,
Easy to apply, damn hard to clean
Off floors and tiles with a glass like sheen.

O fond farewell to sleep serene!
You ended that
Sick Sudocrem but
Twas nowt compared to my scream
The day she found the Vaseline.

By Dermy McNally

Colleen * – Anglicization of the Irish Gaelic word cailín, meaning girl.
Crubeen* – Irish Gaelic for hooves, paws, or feet.