I’ve realised that life as we know it hangs in the balance. It happened last week in my local supermarket in Monaghan, Ireland. I heard the voice. The same type of voice I’ve heard in a hundred movies and TV shows where dystopian, dangerous and unprecedented events have become norm. The voice itself?

A calm, non threatening female voice (generic in accent) and flat in tone. The kind critical accident victims hear (between bouts of consciousness) as nurses rush them into surgery. “It’s going to be fine. Try not to make sudden movements. There’s been a serious accident and you’ve been hurt. Just keep breathing steadily and everything will be fine. Can you hear me John? John?….”

Except I hadn’t been in a crash. There hadn’t been a nuclear shoot out, an invasion of enemy forces (human, alien or otherwise!!!). There’d been a particularly contagious virus which had turned into a global pandemic and I was shopping. Then I heard the voice.

The voice that I knew signaled END TIMES. Ok, I’m being slightly OTT. But just slightly. This is a proper shit show and we’re in the front seats. So I’m pushing the trolley and then over the intercom a few pleasantries then:

“Please, do your shopping quickly and exit the store.”

My reaction was: what? You don’t want to offer me a special three for one deal on a orange scented washing up liquid? That’s a first… Then I realised that it wasn’t the normal cheery, spend lots of cash tone of voice that wants to hoover your wallet. No, it was the VOICE. I.e., code for “You are entering END TIMES” and my heart sank…. Everything she said after that confirmed my suspicions…

“Remember there is no need to panic buy.” (You would say that…)

“Regular stocks are arriving every day.” (So why are certain shelves empty and other shelves filled with the same items normally found elsewhere in the store, making it look like the store is full…?)”

“We at Supervalu will work with all our suppliers and customers until things return to normal…” (Return to normal? There cannot be normal! Blood has been spilled over toilet roll. Just wait until we get down to the last bag of potatoes…)

We are living in chaotic times. Everything that’s happening reads like a bizarre dystopian novel which I’ll discuss in another blog (Civilisation is Creaking Part 2). And what happens next? Who knows and I don’t expect any overnight cannibalism to break out but I am expecting to hear one thing.

The voice.

“Move quickly through the store. Please use card instead of cash if possible. And remember there is no need to panic. None at all…..”