Once in a generation, a loved confectionary selection box is sullied by an act of such indecency (widely referred to in the media as Coffeegate) that even the corruptest CEO’s of the crookedest criminal corporations cringe in compassion. (Who said alliter-exaggeration was dead?) Note: some readers may find this poem distressing…

Roses Coffee Sweet

Come all ye gluttons of sticky tooth

Cock yer taste pores to my bitter truth!

A treasonous trickery is being played

With Roses foulest milseán* ever made.

Their Coffee chew, aka “the devils child”,

Unwanted, unloved, cocoa defiled

Has been defrocked, reshaped and wrapped again!

And is choking women, children, men.

Few beguiled by the wrapper green

Have ever again the daylight seen. So hark!

Eat one less, reading the label often

Or risk a chocolate coated coffee coffin.

by Dermy McNally

Roses former selection which has been deviously revamped with the sole intent of spreading misery and suffering as if the world hadn’t enough. Shame. Shame.

* Irish Gaelic for sweet, confectionary.

Disclaimer (especially included for the legal representatives of Cadburys Corpation): all similarities to Cadburys Roses is purely coincidental and should not be taken as an accusation of intent to endanger life or taste bud…